On days when you just want things to be {normal}.

I am openly confessing that sometimes I {my flesh}┬ájust want things to be normal. I don’t even know what that means….. Normal to what standard? No clue. Maybe I mean easy? But do I really {really} want that? Would I rather things be normal or would I rather choose to allow The Lord to use my pain/struggle/heartache to slowly draw me closer to Him?

There isn’t really a middle ground.

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. ~ Matthew 7:13 {emphasis mine}

There are days that I wake up and pray that God has chosen to heal my son. That the word Duchenne did not exist. That planning for the future didn’t include door widths and wheelchairs.

Days that I hug my three littles and try to forget that one day one of them won’t be able to lift his arms up to hug me back.

Days that I don’t want to get out of bed. {And it is hard to be transparent enough to say these things}

Days that encouraging words are clouded by pain and the closing in of walls.

…and I allow myself to sit in those moments sometimes because this is my life. It is ok if I’m weak. Of course, I’m weak. It’s in the times that I allow myself to really feel ┬áthe depths of pain I’m experiencing {as opposed to plastering on the smile and pushing through} that God meets me there. He picks me up and whispers to me that I am not walking this journey alone.

If I deny my pain and pretend everything is all ok then I sacrifice the blessing of God molding me into His image.

In as much as I’d like to think that I really want normal…. I don’t . I want to trust in an awe inspiring God, who in my deepest hurt takes my burdens and transforms them into a beautiful story that is exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever imagine!

Normal is overrated anyway….